5In South Asia, being “shy” is often seen as polite or modest. But sometimes, that shyness runs deeper. It becomes a daily struggle a racing heart before speaking, sweaty palms in a group, avoiding eye contact, or feeling frozen in public. This is what we call social anxiety.
According to studies, over 15% of people worldwide experience social anxiety at some point. In Pakistan and India, due to social pressure and family expectations, this number may be even higher but often goes unspoken.
Let’s talk honestly about what social anxiety is, where it comes from, and how to manage it in practical, culturally aware ways. This isn’t about changing who you are. It’s about feeling free to speak, connect, and be yourself without fear.
What Is Social Anxiety and How Does It Show Up?
Social anxiety is a fear of being judged, embarrassed, or rejected in social situations. It’s more than just “being shy.” It’s when everyday things like talking to someone, eating in public, or answering a question in class cause real stress.
You might feel:
Nervous before talking to someone new
Worried days before a gathering or meeting
Avoid eye contact or mumble during conversations
Overthink what you said hours or even days later
This isn’t laziness or weakness. It’s your mind going into “protection mode.”
Difference Between Shyness and Social Anxiety
Shyness is a personality trait. It’s natural. Some people are simply quiet or reserved.
Social anxiety, however, causes distress. It limits your daily life. A shy person might feel a bit awkward but still manage. Someone with social anxiety may avoid situations entirely even if it costs them friendships, school success, or work growth.
Common Symptoms in South Asian Culture
In Pakistan, India, or Bangladesh, social anxiety often shows up in these ways:
Fear of speaking in front of elders or teachers
Worry about “log kya kahenge” (what will people say?)
Avoiding weddings, mehfils, or university events
Staying silent in class, even when you know the answer
Saying yes when you mean no, just to avoid conflict
Root Causes of Social Anxiety
Social anxiety rarely comes from one single event. It’s usually a mix of upbringing, beliefs, experiences, and social surroundings.
Family Dynamics and Social Pressure
Many South Asians grow up hearing things like:
“Don’t talk too much.”
“What will others think?”
“Boys shouldn’t cry.”
“Girls should stay quiet.”
These early messages can make us feel unsafe expressing ourselves. We start fearing judgment even when no one is watching.
Past Experiences and Negative Labels
Bullying at school, scolding at family events, or being laughed at while speaking in English these experiences leave marks.
Even small things like being compared to a louder cousin or being told “you’re too sensitive” can build internal fear. Over time, we start expecting rejection even when none is coming.
Practical Strategies to Overcome Social Anxiety
Good news: You don’t need to change your personality. You just need tools to feel safe and steady in social moments.
Here’s what actually helps:
Breathing and Grounding Techniques
When anxiety hits, your body feels it first. Learn to calm your body before calming your mind.
Try this:
Breathe in for 4 seconds
Hold for 4 seconds
Breathe out slowly for 6 seconds
Do this 3–4 times before a social moment
It tells your brain: “I’m safe now.”
Small Wins with Exposure Practice
You don’t have to jump into the deep end. Start with manageable steps.
Greet a neighbor with a smile
Ask a small question at a shop
Comment in a class group chat
Say salaam first, even if it feels awkward
Each tiny action tells your brain: “I can handle this.”
Challenging Negative Thoughts
Write down your anxious thoughts. Then challenge them.
| Thought | Is It 100% True? | A More Helpful Thought |
|---|---|---|
| “They’ll laugh at me.” | Probably not. | “Most people don’t notice small mistakes.” |
| “I always mess up.” | Not true you’ve succeeded before. | “I’ve handled things before; I can try again.” |
Journaling for Emotional Clarity
Spend 5 minutes each night writing:
What scared me today?
What did I try anyway?
What went better than expected?
This builds awareness and confidence.
Social Skills That Build Confidence
Social anxiety makes you feel like an outsider. These small habits help you rejoin the room with less fear.
Body Language and Eye Contact
You don’t need a loud voice. But try:
Standing tall
Uncrossing your arms
Holding eye contact for 2–3 seconds, then look away slowly
These quiet changes signal confidence to others and to yourself.
Listening and Responding Naturally
You don’t need the perfect reply. Just focus on the other person. Nod. Smile. Say something simple like:
“That’s interesting.”
“How did you feel about it?”
“Thanks for sharing.”
People remember kindness more than cleverness.
Living with Social Anxiety: You’re Not Alone
You might never become the life of the party. That’s okay. Many quiet people live full, rich lives.
The goal isn’t to erase anxiety it’s to stop it from holding your life hostage.
Seeking Help from Therapists or Counselors
Sometimes, anxiety feels too heavy to manage alone. That’s when therapy helps.
In Pakistan and India, mental health support is slowly growing. Look for:
A psychologist at your local university
Mental health helplines like Umang or Taskeen
Online therapy platforms in Urdu/English
There’s no shame in asking for help. You’re not broken. You’re healing.
Encouraging Stories from Real People
Fatima, 22 (Lahore):
“I used to fake sick before presentations. One day, I just read one slide aloud. That was my win. Now I can present for five minutes without shaking.”
Ali, 18 (Hyderabad):
“I was always scared of speaking in class. I started raising my hand just once a week. Over time, I became someone others looked to for questions.”
You don’t need to be fearless. Just a little braver each day.
Be Kind to Yourself
If you feel anxious in social moments, you’re not weak. You’re human.
Progress might be slow. Some days will feel stuck. But every small act of courage counts.
Speak gently to yourself.
Take breaks when needed.
Celebrate quiet wins.
And remember: Confidence isn’t about being loud. It’s about showing up as you are.
Imran Shahzad, M.Sc. Psychology (BZU, 2012), shares real-world mental health tips and emotional guidance in simple English for everyday South Asian readers.