In Pakistan, nearly 1 in 3 young adults report feeling overwhelmed due to pressure from family, education, or work. A big reason behind this stress? Unrealistic expectations, either from others or themselves. Whether you’re a student aiming for top grades, a parent balancing work and home, or someone striving to build a better life, setting realistic expectations can make the difference between burnout and growth.
Let’s understand how setting expectations, real ones, shapes our minds, emotions, and everyday choices.
What Does It Mean to Set Realistic Expectations?
A realistic expectation is a belief or goal based on current facts, abilities, and context. It doesn’t mean aiming low, it means aiming wisely.
For example, if a student who failed two subjects expects to top the next board exam without changing study habits, that’s not realistic. But aiming to pass all subjects with steady revision, tuition, and time? That’s more balanced.
Realistic expectations align your goals with your reality, so you move forward without frustration.
Why Is It Important to Have Realistic Expectations?
Expectations guide our motivation. But if they’re too high or disconnected from reality, they lead to:
Stress and anxiety when we fall short.
Low self-worth from repeated disappointment.
Strained relationships when others feel pressured or misunderstood.
On the other hand, realistic expectations:
Reduce unnecessary stress
Build confidence over time
Help set healthy boundaries with family, friends, and work
They help us stay grounded, and grounded people make better choices.
Psychological Benefits of Realistic Thinking
Being realistic is not pessimism, it’s practical optimism. Here’s how it helps mentally:
Improves emotional regulation: You’re less likely to overreact when things go wrong.
Encourages flexibility: Realistic thinkers adapt when situations change.
Strengthens self-awareness: You begin to understand your limits, and your potential.
In short, being realistic gives your mind a calmer space to function, grow, and rest.
The Role of Culture in Expectations
In South Asia, expectations often come with labels: “doctor banay ga,” “shaadi kab karega,” “ghar kab khareeday ga?” These aren’t just questions, they carry pressure.
A 22-year-old woman expected to marry quickly, even if she wants to study more.
A boy expected to top FSC while dealing with mental health struggles.
A man judged for switching careers after age 30.
These cultural expectations, while often well-meaning, can become emotional burdens. Recognizing them helps us redefine success on our own terms.
How to Set Realistic Expectations in Daily Life
Setting expectations doesn’t require a degree, it needs honesty and self-kindness. Here’s a simple approach:
1. Start With Self-Awareness
Know your limits, time, energy, skills, finances. It’s okay to grow slowly.
2. Break Big Goals into Small Steps
Instead of “I’ll be fluent in English in one month,” say “I’ll practice 15 minutes a day.”
3. Accept Setbacks as Normal
Realistic expectations allow space for mistakes. Failure is feedback, not a full stop.
4. Ask for Feedback
Trusted friends, teachers, or elders can help you see what’s practical.
5. Adjust When Life Changes
Your expectation last year might not fit this year. Adapt as you evolve.
Real-Life Examples from a South Asian Lens
Let’s make this real with three local scenarios:
Maham, a Pre-Med Student from Lahore
She wanted to become a doctor, but her grades dropped. After two failures, she was devastated. With her teacher’s help, she shifted focus to nutrition science, a field she loved. Today, she’s happy and employed. Her success began when her expectations matched her strengths.
Ali, a Young Father in Faisalabad
Ali thought he had to be a “perfect” father, earning well, playing with kids, helping at home, always calm. He burnt out. After counseling, he now balances expectations, doing his best but not chasing perfection.
Zara, a Software Engineer in Islamabad
Zara expected to get promoted in her first year. When it didn’t happen, she felt unworthy. Her mentor helped her set a 2-year growth plan, including new certifications. Now, she feels more confident and less anxious.
These are not failures. They’re stories of realignment, and relief.
Realistic Expectations vs. Settling for Less
Some people confuse being realistic with giving up. That’s a myth.
Being realistic means:
You prepare.
You pace yourself.
You prioritize wisely.
Settling for less means:
You don’t try.
You expect nothing.
You stop growing.
The goal is balance: dream big, but build the bridge to your dreams with bricks you actually have.
The Key Benefit: Better Mental and Emotional Health
When we expect too much too soon, our brains go into fight-or-flight mode. But with clear, realistic goals:
The mind relaxes.
Sleep improves.
We focus better.
You stop chasing unrealistic timelines and start enjoying your own journey. That’s real peace.
Tips for Parents and Teachers
Many young people feel suffocated by unrealistic expectations at home or school. Here’s what helps:
Praise effort, not just outcomes.
Allow time for growth.
Avoid comparisons (“look at your cousin”).
Teach emotional skills, not just academic ones.
When adults guide with kindness, not pressure, children learn to aim without anxiety.
Progress Over Perfection
The truth is, none of us can predict life. But we can shape how we walk through it.
Set goals, but make them kind.
Expect progress, not perfection.
Respect your pace, not someone else’s path.
Realistic expectations don’t kill dreams, they protect them. They turn hope into habits and goals into growth.
TL;DR:
Setting realistic expectations helps reduce stress, improve focus, and build emotional strength. In South Asian culture, where societal and family pressures can be overwhelming, aligning your goals with your current abilities brings peace and steady progress. It’s not about giving up, it’s about growing wisely, one step at a time.
Imran Shahzad, M.Sc. Psychology (BZU, 2012), shares real-world mental health tips and emotional guidance in simple English for everyday South Asian readers.