Feeling unsure of yourself is something we all go through. But when it happens too often, it starts to affect everything your decisions, your relationships, and even how you treat yourself. In a place like South Asia, where family expectations, social comparisons, and “what will people say” thinking are common, confidence and self-worth can feel fragile. But the truth is: both self-confidence and self-esteem can be built step by step.
Let’s talk about what these terms really mean and how you can grow them in a way that feels real, respectful, and doable in daily life.
What Is Self-Confidence vs. Self-Esteem?
These two terms often get mixed up, but they’re not the same. They’re like two sides of the same coin related, but not identical.
Self-Confidence – Trusting Your Abilities
Self-confidence means you believe in what you can do. It’s that voice inside you that says, “Yes, I can handle this,” even when the task is hard or unfamiliar. Maybe it’s giving a class presentation, leading a team meeting, or simply speaking up in a family gathering.
It’s built over time every time you try something and survive it, your confidence quietly grows.
Self-Esteem – How You Feel About Yourself
Self-esteem is deeper. It’s how much you value yourself, even when you fail or struggle. It’s the belief that you deserve kindness, respect, and happiness, just like anyone else.
In South Asian households, self-esteem often takes a hit because children grow up hearing things like “You always mess up,” “Why can’t you be like your cousin?” or “This isn’t good enough.” These words leave a mark.
Building self-esteem means healing that inner voice and learning to treat yourself with the same respect you give others.
Common Causes of Low Self-Esteem in South Asian Society
Many people in our region grow up silently doubting themselves. It’s not because they’re weak it’s because certain patterns around them made them feel small. Let’s name some of those patterns.
The Impact of Constant Comparison
From childhood, we’re often compared to others siblings, cousins, neighbors, or even celebrities. “Look at her marks,” “See how confident he is,” “Why can’t you be more like them?” Over time, this leads to a feeling of never being enough.
Comparison steals confidence. It turns your focus outward, not inward.
Childhood Messages and Labels
Phrases like “You’re so lazy,” “You can’t do anything right,” or even sarcastic jokes can slowly become your inner truth. A child who hears this regularly starts to believe they’re not worthy or capable.
What starts as a label often becomes a self-image.
Why Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem Matter
You might wonder why focus on this? Because your inner world shapes your outer world.
Mental Health Connection
Low self-esteem isn’t just about feeling sad. It’s often linked to:
Anxiety
Depression
Overthinking
People-pleasing
Avoidance of growth
When you believe you don’t deserve good things, you unconsciously block them.
Better Decisions and Boundaries
A confident person can say “no” without guilt. They don’t let others walk all over them. They speak up, apply for new opportunities, and leave toxic situations.
Self-esteem gives you emotional backbone. Self-confidence helps you take action.
5 Practical Ways to Build Confidence and Esteem
Now to the part that matters most: real things you can do. No fancy therapy required, just small consistent actions.
Practice the 5 C’s of Self-Esteem
Here are five daily habits that quietly grow inner strength:
| C | Meaning | Example |
|---|---|---|
| Connect | Build positive relationships | Spend time with friends who lift you up |
| Contribute | Do things that help others | Help a sibling with homework |
| Competence | Grow your skills | Learn a new recipe or software |
| Choice | Make your own decisions | Choose your outfit, your meal, your words |
| Courage | Try even if afraid | Speak up in class or ask a question at work |
These five pillars help your self-image grow from inside out.
Use Daily Affirmations
It may feel silly at first, but saying kind things to yourself every day works.
Start simple:
“I am enough.”
“I can handle challenges.”
“My voice matters.”
Say them while brushing your teeth or before sleeping. With time, your brain starts believing it.
Keep a Small Wins Journal
Write down one small thing you did well today. It could be:
“I stayed calm during a tough talk.”
“I asked a question in class.”
“I helped my cousin without expecting praise.”
Review it weekly. You’ll be amazed.
Accept Compliments Gracefully
When someone says “You did well,” don’t rush to say, “Oh no, it was nothing.”
Try saying:
“Thank you. I worked hard on it.”
“I appreciate that.”
Accepting kindness from others helps rebuild inner kindness too.
Try Something New Regularly
Trying new things isn’t about becoming perfect it’s about proving to yourself that you can grow. Whether it’s learning to cook, using a new app, or joining a discussion, every new experience adds a layer of courage.
How to Train Yourself to Be Confident in Social Situations
Whether it’s speaking in public or attending a gathering, many people feel nervous. Here’s how to handle it better.
Visualize Success
Before entering the room, close your eyes and imagine yourself being calm, smiling, speaking clearly. This mental rehearsal helps prepare your brain.
Athletes do this before matches. You can too.
Breathe and Pause Before Speaking
When nervous, people tend to talk fast or forget words. Slow down. Breathe deeply. Pause before replying. It gives you control and helps your mind stay calm.
Real-Life Stories: From Low Esteem to Confidence
Story 1: A university student from Lahore used to avoid class discussions fearing she’d sound “stupid.” She started writing down her thoughts at night and reading them aloud. Within weeks, she raised her hand once. Then twice. Now she leads group presentations.
Story 2: A young shopkeeper in Multan struggled with self-worth after being called “slow” by his family. He started keeping a journal of every sale, challenge, and solution. His self-esteem grew as he saw progress with his own eyes.
Story 3: A single mother in Karachi used daily affirmations and community classes to regain her confidence after divorce. She now runs a home-based tuition center, supporting herself and others.
When to Seek Professional Help
Sometimes, low self-esteem becomes more than just a phase. If you:
Constantly feel worthless
Avoid all social settings
Feel depressed most days
Experience panic when speaking
Can’t accept love or compliments
…then it’s not a personal weakness it’s a signal. Talking to a psychologist or counselor can help. Just like we visit a doctor for body pain, mental pain also deserves care.
Confidence Grows Step by Step
You don’t need to be loud to be confident. You don’t need to be perfect to be worthy.
Every small act of courage, every kind word to yourself, every time you try that’s confidence being built, brick by brick.
Give yourself the same patience you’d give a child learning to walk. Because inside you, that brave learner still lives.
TL;DR
Self-confidence is trusting your abilities, while self-esteem is valuing yourself. Many people in South Asia struggle with both due to cultural pressure and criticism. But with simple practices like affirmations, small wins tracking, and the 5 C’s (Connect, Contribute, Competence, Choice, Courage), anyone can slowly build inner strength. You don’t need to be perfect just willing to try, daily.
Imran Shahzad, M.Sc. Psychology (BZU, 2012), shares real-world mental health tips and emotional guidance in simple English for everyday South Asian readers.