You get the degree. You land the job. Everyone claps and says “well done,” but something inside you quietly wonders… Did I just get lucky? Maybe you’ve even caught yourself thinking, What if I’m not really as good as they think? That someone, someday, will find out they’re a “fraud.”
This quiet fear is called impostor syndrome. And if you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone. Let’s break it down and learn how to move past it.
What Is Impostor Syndrome?
Impostor syndrome is the belief that your success is not earned, but a result of luck, timing, or someone else’s mistake. Even when there’s proof of your hard work and ability, your mind whispers: “You’re not really that smart,” or “Soon they’ll find out you don’t belong here.”
It’s more common than people think. Students, teachers, office workers, doctors even celebrities face it silently.
Common Signs You Might Be Experiencing It
Maybe you’ve been there brushing off compliments with a nervous laugh. Or saying “it was nothing” even after pulling all-nighters to get it right. Maybe you hesitate before applying for something new because a voice inside says, “You’re not ready.” Sound familiar?
I remember once during my university days, I gave a successful presentation and the professor said, “That was outstanding work.” Instead of feeling proud, I smiled awkwardly and thought, “Maybe he’s just being polite.” Later, my friend said, “You always do this — you act like your wins don’t count.” That stuck with me. I realized then how deep this impostor feeling had rooted itself in my mind.
These thoughts can slowly wear you down, emotionally and physically.
Why Do Smart, Capable People Feel This Way?
Here’s the irony: impostor syndrome affects high performers the most.
Funny thing is, it’s often the sharpest minds that feel this way. The more you learn, the more you realize how much you don’t know and that awareness turns into self-doubt.
In South Asian culture, this feeling is often made worse by:
Comparison with others (especially siblings or relatives)
Fear of failure
High family expectations
Lack of open conversations about self-worth
Even those who seem confident outside may be struggling with self-doubt inside.
The Psychology Behind Impostor Thoughts
These feelings don’t come out of nowhere. They grow from years of thinking patterns and emotional habits often starting in childhood.
Perfectionism and Self-Worth
Many people tie their self-worth to doing everything perfectly. If they make a small mistake, they feel like they’ve failed entirely.
For example, a student scoring 88% might feel ashamed if they aimed for 90%. Why? Because the mind is stuck on being perfect, not doing well.
Like when someone scores 88% and hears, “Bas 2 number aur mil jaate, beta.” Instead of celebrating, they feel they’ve failed. It’s not about doing well it’s about not being perfect.
External Validation and Fear of Judgment
When you grow up being praised only for high marks or job titles, it becomes hard to feel proud internally.
You start depending on others’ approval. And when someone praises you, you may think: “They’re just being nice.”
This gap between what others see and what you feel creates emotional tension and leads to impostor syndrome.
How Impostor Syndrome Affects South Asian Communities
In Pakistan, India, and similar cultures, family honor, grades, and job status often become measures of self-worth.
This adds an extra emotional burden, especially on young adults.
Family Expectations and Silent Stress
Many of us grow up hearing things like:
“You must become a doctor or engineer.”
“If your cousin can do it, why can’t you?”
“Top marks bring respect nothing else matters.”
These things are often said with love but let’s be honest, they also leave behind fear, pressure, and the feeling that you’re always falling short.
Children grow into adults who feel they can never be enough. Even with good jobs or degrees, the emotional stress stays.
“A cousin of mine once got a government job after years of struggle. Instead of celebrating, someone in the family asked, “But when will you get promoted?” That moment crushed his joy. He told me later, “No matter what I do, it never feels like enough.” It made me realize how often we tie our worth to endless expectations.”
Academic and Career Comparisons
The constant comparisons within families between siblings, cousins, or neighbors fuel impostor thinking.
You may do well, but you think someone else is “better.” Instead of feeling proud, you feel pressure.
It’s a never-ending race, where the finish line keeps moving.
Practical Ways to Overcome Impostor Syndrome
The good news? You can break this cycle. These are real, practical steps you can start using today.
Talk About It You’re Not Alone
The first step is to say it out loud.
Even whispering to someone, “I don’t think I deserve this,” can take the weight off your chest. Most people will reply, “Hey… I’ve felt that too.”
You’ll be surprised how many people quietly feel the same.
Track Achievements, Not Just Failures
Start a “confidence file” in your phone or notebook.
Write down:
Compliments you received
Challenges you overcame
Things you’ve improved on
Positive feedback from others
When doubt shows up, read this file. Let facts challenge your fears.
Set Realistic Standards for Yourself
Mistakes are part of growth. Nobody is perfect not your class topper, your boss, or your favorite celebrity.
Here’s what matters:
| Old Belief | Better Belief |
|---|---|
| I must always be the best. | I can be proud of doing my best. |
| One mistake means I failed. | Mistakes help me grow. |
| Others are more talented than me. | I have my own strengths and value. |
Practice Self-Compassion
This means treating yourself with the same kindness you’d show a friend.
If your friend made a tiny mistake, would you tear them down? Of course not. So why be so cruel to yourself?
Try saying:
“I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.”
“I have strengths, even if I’m still learning.”
“Feeling uncertain doesn’t mean I’m incapable.”
When to Seek Support
If these feelings keep growing and affect your sleep, mood, or relationships it’s okay to get help.
Therapy and Counseling Can Help
A trained psychologist can help you understand:
Where these thoughts come from
How to replace them with balanced thinking
How to build self-worth from within
In Pakistan, more counseling centers and online therapy services are becoming available, even in local languages.
Community and Peer Groups
Some people find relief in support groups, where others talk openly about impostor feelings.
Even university mentoring programs or online forums can provide a safe space to share and grow.
You Deserve to Be Here
Impostor syndrome lies. It tells you you’re not good enough even when your life says otherwise.
You didn’t stumble your way into where you are. You worked for it, showed up for it, and yes you earned it. You belong here. Even if it doesn’t always feel that way.
You don’t have to be perfect to belong.
You just have to be real and remind yourself daily: I am enough as I am, and I can still grow from here.
Imran Shahzad, M.Sc. Psychology (BZU, 2012), shares real-world mental health tips and emotional guidance in simple English for everyday South Asian readers.