Cultural identity is not just a label, it’s something we carry in our daily conversations, the clothes we wear, the way we think, and even how we eat or pray. For many South Asians living within or outside their homeland, the experience of navigating cultural identity is an emotional and ongoing journey.
Whether you’re a college student in Lahore listening to Western music, or someone who grew up abroad and now feels like an outsider in your home village, this article is for you. Let’s walk through the real feelings, struggles, and growth that come with trying to understand who we are culturally, and how to find peace in that mix.
What Is a Personal Cultural Identity?
Cultural identity means how you see yourself in relation to your community’s customs, language, beliefs, and values. It’s the part of you that connects with “us” instead of “them.” This could be based on religion, ethnicity, language, dress, traditions, or even food.
For example, someone might say, “I’m Pakistani,” but within that identity are many layers, maybe you speak Punjabi at home, celebrate Eid, wear Western clothes at college, and enjoy both biryani and pizza. That’s personal cultural identity. It’s shaped by your experiences, environment, and relationships.
In a South Asian setting, this becomes even more layered, urban vs rural life, colonial influence, religious values, and global exposure all play a role in shaping who we are and how we behave in different social spaces.
Real Stories from South Asians Living Between Cultures
Let’s hear from real-life examples that feel close to home.
Sara, 21, Karachi:
“I went to a private school where English was the norm. But at home, my mom expected me to speak Urdu and follow traditional rules. I was always switching between two versions of myself, smart and modern outside, obedient and modest at home. It was exhausting.”
Aamir, 25, Multan/Dubai:
“Raised in Dubai, I felt more Arab than Pakistani. But when I moved to Multan for university, I was called ‘Burger’ or ‘wannabe foreigner.’ I struggled to make friends and didn’t feel truly Pakistani, or Arab.”
Neha, 33, Bengali living in the UK:
“My family wants me to marry within the culture. But my life is here now, I wear jeans, work late, don’t always cook daal-chawal. I still fast during Ramadan, but I don’t feel like I belong to just one group anymore.”
These are just snapshots. But they show how identity isn’t fixed. It’s shaped by context, expectation, and how we respond to both.
The 5 Stages of Cultural Identity Formation
Cultural identity develops in stages. Understanding these can help you feel less confused and more confident:
Unexamined Cultural Identity
You don’t think much about your culture, maybe because you’ve always lived inside it or don’t question it.Cultural Identity Search
Something triggers you to ask, “Who am I really?” Maybe it’s moving abroad, joining a new school, or facing discrimination.Cultural Exploration
You begin trying things out, reading about your roots, learning your native language better, or questioning old beliefs.Understanding and Acceptance
You begin to make peace with your background and accept that having a complex identity is okay.Integration and Commitment
You confidently live with a blended identity. You don’t feel guilty about being “in-between.” You know what parts of your culture you keep and what you let go.
This journey is personal. Some people stay in one stage for years. Others jump back and forth. And that’s normal.
Common Struggles When Balancing Cultures
This journey isn’t always smooth. Many people, especially teens and young adults, face the following struggles:
Not feeling “enough”
You may feel too modern for your elders, or too traditional for your peers.Family vs. Friends
Your parents expect religious rituals, arranged marriages, or strict manners. But your friends live more freely.Guilt and Shame
You may feel guilty for not speaking your mother tongue or not following certain customs.Code-switching
Changing how you speak or behave depending on the people around you. It’s mentally tiring and can make you feel fake.
These challenges are deeply emotional. But acknowledging them helps reduce the pressure. You’re not alone.
Ways to Understand and Respect Other Cultural Identities
While building our own identity, we also interact with others. And it’s important to show cultural respect.
Here are simple ways:
Ask, don’t assume
Not every Pakistani is Muslim. Not every South Indian eats vegetarian. Ask politely about others’ cultures.Don’t mock traditions
Respect clothing, rituals, and accents, even if they feel unfamiliar.Be open to differences
What seems “weird” might just be “different.” Avoid judging.Use inclusive language
Avoid saying things like “you people” or “that backward culture.”
Understanding others helps us become kinder and more confident in who we are.
How Cultural Identity Impacts Emotional Health
When someone is confused or ashamed about their cultural identity, it can affect mental health.
Some effects include:
Low self-esteem
Social withdrawal
Anxiety in family settings
Identity crises
Research shows that people with unresolved cultural identity struggles may experience a higher risk of depression and isolation. But the good news? Talking about these issues, whether with a counselor, friend, or journal, can bring clarity.
Sharing your story is a powerful step toward healing.
Personal Growth Through Embracing Cultural Duality
Here’s what matters:
It’s okay to feel both traditional and modern.
You don’t have to choose sides.
You’re allowed to speak English, wear jeans, and still value your heritage.
Your cultural identity is a personal expression, not a fixed box.
The real strength lies in acceptance. When you start owning your journey, you feel freer. Your mind becomes clearer. You stop apologizing and start living authentically.
TL;DR
Cultural identity is a personal journey shaped by family, environment, and experience. Many South Asians face emotional struggles when trying to balance tradition with modern life. Through real stories and psychology-backed insights, this article helps you understand the five stages of cultural identity formation and offers practical ways to accept yourself and respect others. You don’t need to choose one culture, you can create your own.
Imran Shahzad, M.Sc. Psychology (BZU, 2012), shares real-world mental health tips and emotional guidance in simple English for everyday South Asian readers.