Grief is something we all face, yet no one feels fully ready for it. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a broken relationship, or even a missed opportunity grief has a way of sneaking into our lives and sitting silently in the room with us. In South Asian culture, people may hide their pain behind daily chores, prayers, or silence. But no matter how we experience it, grief needs to be felt, understood, and gently managed.
Let’s look at some practical, real-life strategies to help you or someone close to you cope with grief and loss.
What Is Grief? Understanding the Emotional Impact
Grief is the emotional pain you feel after losing someone or something that mattered deeply to you. It’s not just about death. You can grieve after a divorce, a job loss, or even a major life change.
Grief isn’t only sadness. It can look like:
Getting angry easily
Feeling empty or numb
Losing interest in food or sleep
Having trouble concentrating
Wanting to be alone or feeling too dependent
In Pakistan, many people carry grief quietly. Some cry in prayer. Others work endlessly to avoid their thoughts. The important thing is to recognize that your feelings are normal.
The 5 Stages of Grief: A Useful Framework
Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced five stages of grief. They help explain what many people go through after loss:
| Stage | Emotion |
|---|---|
| Denial | “This can’t be happening.” |
| Anger | “Why me? Why now?” |
| Bargaining | “If only I had done things differently.” |
| Depression | “I don’t feel like doing anything.” |
| Acceptance | “It’s painful, but I’m learning to live with it.” |
You may not go through these steps in this order. Sometimes, you feel all five in one day. It’s normal. The stages are just a guide, not a rulebook.
Simple Daily Strategies to Cope with Grief
Grief doesn’t have a fast-forward button. But there are gentle ways to live through it. These aren’t magic fixes but they help you survive each day with a little more strength.
Stay Connected to People Who Care
Don’t isolate yourself. Even if you don’t want to talk, being around others helps. A friend who sits quietly with you can be more healing than long conversations.
If you feel like no one understands, consider reaching out to a local imam, teacher, or counselor. They may not have all the answers, but they’ll hear you out.
Give Yourself Permission to Feel
In South Asian homes, people often say “be strong” when someone is crying. But true strength includes feeling pain. Cry if you need to. Talk if you can. Sit in silence if that’s all you can do.
Your grief is yours. No one else gets to tell you how to carry it.
Follow a Gentle Routine
Even simple things getting out of bed, brushing your hair, drinking water can feel like big tasks. That’s okay. Start with small routines:
Wake up at a regular time
Take a walk, even for 5 minutes
Eat one healthy meal a day
Write a short prayer or thought in a notebook
Routine helps the body and mind feel safe, which is important when everything else feels broken.
Cultural Coping Practices That Can Help
In Pakistan and South Asia, people often turn to cultural and religious traditions to cope with loss. These practices aren’t just rituals they bring comfort, structure, and connection.
Religious Rituals for Comfort
Many grieving people find peace in:
Reciting the Qur’an or doing tasbeeh
Holding Quran Khwani gatherings
Visiting graves of loved ones
Listening to naats or spiritual music
If you’re Hindu or Sikh, prayers, puja, or kirtan may bring similar comfort. These moments help people feel closer to the person they’ve lost and to a higher power.
Community Support
After a loss, neighbors often bring food or sit for condolence. Don’t push them away. Sharing grief lessens its weight.
In many small towns, there’s a tradition of people gathering for dua or chautha. While it can be tiring, these gatherings remind you that you are not alone.
Supporting Someone Else Who Is Grieving
If you’re trying to help someone who is grieving, don’t rush to give advice. Just be present. Most people don’t need solutions they need someone to sit beside them in silence and care.
What to Say (And What Not to Say)
Say this:
“I’m here if you want to talk.”
“I don’t have the right words, but I’m with you.”
“It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling.”
Avoid saying:
“Time heals all wounds.”
“At least they’re in a better place.”
“Be strong.”
Sometimes, silence with love is better than words without care.
When Grief Becomes Too Heavy: Seek Support
If it’s been many months and you still:
Feel like life has no meaning
Can’t get out of bed
Avoid everyone
Think about hurting yourself
Then it’s time to seek professional help.
Finding Local Mental Health Help in Pakistan
You’re not alone. Pakistan now has more support options than ever:
Rozan Helpline: Offers emotional support over phone
Umang Pakistan: Online mental health counseling in Urdu
Mind Organization Pakistan: Therapy options in major cities
Public hospitals: Many offer free counseling services in psychology departments
You can also speak with your local doctor or family health worker. Many are trained to recognize when grief becomes clinical depression.
Small Acts of Healing: Everyday Recovery
Grief doesn’t end. It changes form. One day it’s sharp like glass. Another day it’s dull like a heavy blanket. But with time and support, it gets easier to carry.
Here are a few small acts that can help:
Journaling: Write about your loved one, your feelings, your memories.
Helping others: Sometimes, cooking a meal for someone or feeding a stray dog brings surprising peace.
Walking in nature: Even 10 minutes outside can lift your mood.
Art or prayer: Express your feelings through drawing, reciting duas, or singing softly.
Healing is not forgetting. It’s learning to live with love and pain side by side.
Your Grief Matters
In our culture, many people are told to stay quiet when grieving. But emotions are not weaknesses. They are signs of your love, your humanity, your strength.
Let grief pass through you not around you. Hold it gently, like you would hold someone else’s pain. One day, this ache will soften. You’ll breathe easier. And your heart will carry both loss and life with equal grace.
You are not alone.
Imran Shahzad, M.Sc. Psychology (BZU, 2012), shares real-world mental health tips and emotional guidance in simple English for everyday South Asian readers.