In Pakistan, one out of every five people reports struggling with mental stress due to unresolved emotional pain often linked to betrayal, hurt, or family conflicts. Many carry years of emotional baggage without ever being taught how to let go. Forgiveness is not weakness. It’s one of the strongest decisions you can make for your mental peace.
Let’s talk about how forgiving someone even when it’s hard can free your mind, reduce stress, and lead to a better, healthier life.
Why Is It Important to Forgive and Let Go?
When you hold onto anger or pain, your mind stays in a loop. Your heart feels heavy, and your body stays alert like it’s still in danger.
Forgiveness helps your body calm down. It lowers blood pressure, reduces stress hormones, and improves sleep. Letting go doesn’t mean what happened was okay. It means you refuse to suffer for it anymore.
Forgiveness improves:
Mental health: Reduces anxiety, depression, and stress.
Relationships: Helps rebuild trust and improve communication.
Sleep: People who forgive tend to sleep better and longer.
Self-esteem: Forgiving others helps you feel stronger, not smaller.
When you forgive, you protect your peace not their reputation.
What Happens When We Hold On to Hurt?
Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting them to fall sick. The hurt stays in your body.
Here’s what happens:
You relive the pain again and again.
It builds into chronic stress or even physical illness.
You feel stuck in the past unable to move forward.
You lose peace even in moments of happiness.
A Pakistani teacher once said, “I forgave my brother after 10 years not for him, but because I wanted to smile again without pain in my chest.”
That’s the real cost of holding on and the value of letting go.
The Superpower of Forgiveness in Daily Life
Forgiveness is like cutting the rope that ties you to pain. It gives you power over your emotions. It lets you grow.
Here’s why it’s a superpower:
You take control: You choose how to feel.
You release others’ control: They no longer affect your peace.
You make space for joy: When pain leaves, peace enters.
Forgiveness makes you emotionally mature. You stop reacting to everything. You respond calmly, wisely.
That’s not weakness that’s strength.
What Are the 4 R’s of Forgiveness?
Psychologists often teach the 4 R’s of Forgiveness to help people heal. Here’s what they mean:
| R | Meaning | What to Do |
|---|---|---|
| Reveal | Accept and face your pain | Be honest about how you feel |
| Release | Let go of anger and blame | Breathe, talk, cry if needed |
| Replace | Change how you see the person | Shift from “enemy” to “a hurt human” |
| Renew | Focus on your own healing | Move forward with peace and purpose |
You don’t need to forget. You need to feel, process, and then move on with strength.
Forgiveness in South Asian Culture and Religion
In our culture, forgiveness is taught early but often misunderstood. Sometimes it’s seen as shameful, or as a loss of pride.
But all major South Asian religions teach that forgiveness is a virtue.
Islam: Allah says, “Pardon and overlook. Do you not wish that Allah should forgive you?” (Surah An-Nur 24:22)
Hinduism: Teaches “Kshama” (forgiveness) as a path to peace and karma cleansing.
Christianity: Teaches “forgive seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22) symbolizing endless mercy.
Culturally too, elders often advise “chhor do” or “maan jao.” But true forgiveness must come from within not just as a formality.
What Does God Say About Forgiveness and Letting Go?
Forgiveness isn’t just good for mental health it’s also a key part of spiritual growth.
In Islam, forgiving others increases your chances of being forgiven by Allah. In Christianity, it’s seen as a condition of receiving God’s grace. In Hinduism, forgiving purifies your heart and mind.
Whether you’re religious or not, the message is clear:
Holding on to hate blocks your blessings. Letting go invites peace.
Forgive because you want inner peace not because they deserve it.
How to Let Go Emotionally When It Still Hurts
Letting go doesn’t happen in one day. It’s a process. Some wounds are deep. But healing begins when you take the first step.
Try these real, gentle ways:
Journal your feelings. Write without editing yourself.
Talk to someone. A friend, therapist, or trusted elder.
Say it out loud. “I am choosing peace. I am letting go.”
Visualize release. Imagine placing your hurt in a balloon and letting it fly away.
Be patient. Some days will be hard. Keep going.
You might still feel pain. That’s okay. Forgiveness is not a switch it’s a daily choice.
Real-Life Examples of Forgiveness
Let’s look at a few short examples that might feel familiar:
1. Sibling Conflict:
Amir and his sister fought over inheritance. Years passed. Their parents’ health worsened. Amir called and said, “Let’s start again. I miss you.” They cried, forgave, and started over.
2. Workplace Betrayal:
Nida’s colleague took credit for her work. Instead of revenge, she focused on her own growth. Later, she became his manager. She treated him with fairness and earned deep respect.
3. Broken Friendship:
Zara’s best friend ghosted her during a hard time. She wrote a long message, not to get an apology but to forgive and let go. She felt 10kg lighter.
Real people. Real healing.
Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation: Are They the Same?
No.
Forgiveness is about you.
Reconciliation is about rebuilding a relationship.
You can forgive and still choose not to reconnect. Some people are unsafe, toxic, or don’t want to change.
Forgiveness means:
I no longer carry hate.
I release the pain.
I wish them peace from a distance, if needed.
Boundaries and forgiveness can exist together.
Final Thoughts: Forgive for Your Own Peace
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean pretending. It means saying:
“I’m done carrying this hurt. I choose peace.”
You don’t forgive because they deserve it.
You forgive because you deserve freedom.
Let go of the weight. Breathe. Heal. Smile again.
You’re not weak. You’re wise. You’re ready to move forward.
TL;DR
Forgiveness is not about the other person it’s about protecting your own peace. Holding onto hurt causes emotional stress and physical damage. By forgiving, you take back control of your mental well-being. Use tools like the 4 R’s (Reveal, Release, Replace, Renew) and remember: forgiveness is strength, not surrender. Letting go leads to healing, growth, and freedom.
Imran Shahzad, M.Sc. Psychology (BZU, 2012), shares real-world mental health tips and emotional guidance in simple English for everyday South Asian readers.