Across Pakistan, India, and around the world, thousands of adopted individuals spend years wondering where they came from. Who are my birth parents? Why was I placed for adoption? These are not just casual questions, they are tied to identity, emotions, and healing. For many adoptees, the decision to search for their biological families becomes one of the most defining chapters of their lives.
From emotional reunions in rural villages to DNA discoveries made online, these stories carry heartbreak, hope, and healing. They reflect the complexity of human bonds, where love, loss, and longing often live side by side.
Why Do Adoptees Seek Their Birth Parents?
Most people grow up knowing who they resemble, who gave them their first toy, or why their hair curls a certain way. Adoptees often grow up without that basic emotional mirror. This absence creates a lifelong curiosity, a deep inner question: “Who am I really?”
In South Asian culture, where family trees stretch across generations and roots are everything, not knowing your bloodline can feel isolating. Many adoptees start searching for their birth parents because:
They want to know their medical history, especially when facing health issues.
They become parents themselves, triggering a desire to reconnect with their own beginning.
They feel incomplete, carrying a sense of being “different” or “disconnected.”
Take Zara, a woman adopted at birth in Karachi. Growing up, she always felt loved by her adoptive parents, but something remained unanswered. At 33, after the birth of her son, she began looking for her biological mother. “It wasn’t about replacing anyone,” she said. “It was about finally knowing where the first page of my story began.”
How Do Adopted People Find Their Birth Families?
Finding birth families is not easy, especially in South Asia, where formal adoption records are often limited or non-existent. But determination, technology, and community support have opened new doors.
Common ways adoptees begin their search:
Legal documents or hospital records (rare, but helpful if available).
Talking to extended family members or old friends of the adoptive family.
Using DNA tests like AncestryDNA or MyHeritage, which help match people globally.
Social media campaigns, especially Facebook and YouTube, where missing person appeals often go viral.
In one moving case from Faisalabad, a man named Rizwan found his birth brother through a WhatsApp family group after a distant cousin shared an old baby photo. Within weeks, he was reunited with a family he never knew existed.
Challenges in South Asia:
Many adoptions are informal, with no paperwork.
Stigma around adoption can make people hide the truth.
DNA testing is expensive and culturally unfamiliar to many families.
Yet, even in difficult environments, adopted individuals are finding creative and heartfelt ways to connect the dots.
What Do Adoptees Feel When They Reconnect?
The emotional experience of reunion is never simple. It’s a mix of joy, sadness, anger, and sometimes shock.
For Fatima, a Lahore schoolteacher who found her birth father after 35 years, the experience was “like putting a missing puzzle piece in place, but not without sharp edges.”
Some feel an instant emotional bond, like meeting someone you’ve always known. Others struggle. What if the biological parent rejects them? What if they don’t meet expectations?
Many adoptees also feel guilt toward their adoptive parents, afraid that their search might hurt the people who raised them. Navigating this emotional triangle requires maturity, honesty, and sometimes, therapy.
A mental health expert shared, “The reunion brings answers, but not always peace. It’s not a magic fix, it’s a turning point that needs emotional support.”
What Do Adoptees Call Their Birth Parents?
One of the most sensitive questions after reunion is: what do I call them?
Should they be called Ammi, Papa, Biological Mother, or just by their name?
In South Asian culture, names carry weight and roles. Adoptees often struggle between two loyalties:
Honoring the parents who raised them.
Recognizing the people who gave them life.
Some resolve this by using different terms, “biological Ammi” or “Baba Jani”, while others stick to names or even nicknames.
What matters most is respect and emotional clarity. There’s no right or wrong. Each family must decide together, with love and understanding.
Should You Meet Your Biological Parents?
This is not an easy question. Meeting your birth parents is a deeply personal decision and should never be rushed.
Here’s what to consider:
Benefits:
Provides closure and emotional healing.
Fills gaps in personal identity.
May lead to a new, supportive relationship.
Psychological Challenges:
Possible rejection or awkward silence.
Emotional overwhelm, especially if past trauma is involved.
Risk of disappointment or conflicting expectations.
Important Tip:
Always approach reunion with open expectations. Some meetings lead to long-term bonds, while others may be brief. It helps to speak with a therapist or counselor during this process, especially in cases of trauma, abandonment, or secrecy.
Most Famous Adoptees Who Found Their Biological Families
Hearing about famous adoptees can make this journey feel less lonely. Here are a few that inspire:
Steve Jobs, co-founder of Apple, was adopted as an infant. He reconnected with his biological sister later in life.
Priscilla Presley, the former wife of Elvis Presley, was adopted and later explored her birth roots.
A Pakistani adoptee in the UK, raised in Manchester, eventually traced her biological mother to a small village outside Multan, reconnecting through community elders.
These stories show that adoption doesn’t erase identity, it simply adds layers to it.
Advice for Adoptees Considering the Search
If you’re thinking about finding your birth family, here’s what helps:
Start slow. Journal your thoughts and reasons first.
Talk to your adoptive family, if safe and possible. Their support can make a big difference.
Write a letter before a physical meeting, it allows space to process and prepare.
Manage expectations. Your birth family might welcome you, or they may not.
Be emotionally ready. Reunion may reopen old wounds, but it can also bring healing.
Healing After Reunion: The Psychological Impact
Finding your birth family doesn’t fix everything, but it can help you understand who you are.
Many adoptees report:
Improved self-esteem and a better sense of identity.
A more complete life story that helps them move forward.
Relief from long-held emotional questions.
But others feel grief, for lost time, for stories they never got to live. This is normal.
Therapy can help adoptees:
Process complicated feelings.
Navigate new family dynamics.
Balance love between birth and adoptive families.
As one woman shared: “I didn’t find a happy ending. I found the truth. And that truth set me free.”
TL;DR
Adoptees often search for their birth families to find identity, closure, and healing. Many use DNA tools, family records, or social media. Reunion brings mixed emotions, joy, confusion, even pain, but it also offers a chance to understand one’s roots. Naming, meeting, and bonding with biological parents are deeply personal choices shaped by emotion, culture, and life stories. Ultimately, reconnecting can bring peace, but it’s important to go in with support, patience, and care.
Imran Shahzad, M.Sc. Psychology (BZU, 2012), shares real-world mental health tips and emotional guidance in simple English for everyday South Asian readers.