Empathy isn’t just about being nice. It’s the ability to feel what someone else feels, to truly see their emotional world. In Pakistan and other South Asian cultures where people live in joint families, share responsibilities, and face financial and emotional pressures daily, empathy can be the emotional bridge that keeps relationships strong, even when life gets tough.
What is Empathy and How Does it Work in Relationships?
Empathy means feeling with someone, not just for them. It’s more than saying “I understand.” It’s sitting with a sibling who’s failed an exam without judgment. It’s holding your wife’s hand after a stressful day even when you don’t have the solution. It’s noticing when your father looks quiet and checking in.
In relationships, empathy:
Builds trust
Reduces emotional loneliness
Helps resolve fights faster
Biologically, empathy activates mirror neurons in the brain. These allow us to “mirror” the emotions of the other person, creating emotional connection. When this happens, oxytocin (the bonding hormone) increases, while cortisol (the stress hormone) decreases.
This simple, invisible change improves emotional connection. It’s not magic, it’s science that works through everyday moments.
Why Empathy is the Backbone of Emotional Connection
Without empathy, relationships feel distant, even if you live under the same roof.
Imagine this:
Your partner says, “I’m feeling overwhelmed,” and you reply, “Why are you making a fuss?”
Your teenage child says, “Nobody understands me,” and you say, “You’ll understand when you’re older.”
These responses shut down connection. The problem isn’t the words, it’s the absence of empathy behind them.
When people feel emotionally seen and heard, they open up more. They trust you. And trust is what makes relationships last.
Benefits of Empathy in Relationships:
Emotional safety: People feel safe expressing themselves
Conflict recovery: Fights don’t linger
Stronger bonds: Emotional loyalty increases
Better parenting: Kids feel supported, not controlled
In many Pakistani families, respect is emphasized, but not always emotional closeness. Empathy helps combine both.
The True Power of Empathy in Marriage and Family
In a marriage, love alone isn’t enough. What holds couples together is emotional understanding, especially during hard times like job loss, childbirth, or health issues.
Empathy in a husband means:
Not dismissing his wife’s postpartum emotions
Listening patiently when she needs to vent
Empathy in a wife means:
Not mocking a husband’s financial stress
Supporting silently when he feels low
Empathy helps both partners feel emotionally safe.
A 10-year study by psychologist Dr. John Gottman found that emotional responsiveness (a form of empathy) was a key predictor of successful marriages, even more than compatibility or personality types.
In joint family systems, empathy prevents generational gaps from turning into emotional walls. A daughter-in-law who listens to her mother-in-law’s fears or a son who notices his father’s quiet stress, these moments change family dynamics more than a thousand family rules.
Can a Person Without Empathy Truly Love?
This is hard to answer, but let’s be real.
Yes, a person can care deeply for others and still struggle with empathy. Sometimes, it’s due to their upbringing or trauma. Other times, it’s part of personality traits like narcissism or emotional unawareness.
But love without empathy often feels cold, distant, or one-sided. The partner may:
Invalidate feelings: “You’re being dramatic.”
Lack apology: “I said what I said.”
Offer solutions instead of listening
This can make the other person feel emotionally abandoned, even if the “love” exists.
Good news? Empathy can be learned.
Practical Ways to Build Empathy in Daily Life
Empathy is not something you’re born with or without. It’s a muscle. You can build it.
Here’s how, especially in South Asian families:
1. Listen More, Speak Less
Let the other person speak without interruption. Nod, maintain eye contact, and don’t rush to give advice.
2. Say Emotionally Supportive Phrases
Instead of “Why are you sad?” say:
“That must have been hard for you.”
“I’m here for you.”
These phrases don’t fix the problem, but they validate the feeling.
3. Try Their Shoes On
Mentally ask, “If I were in their place, how would I feel?”
It sounds basic, but it changes your emotional tone and response.
4. Use Silence with Presence
You don’t always need words. Sometimes sitting next to someone silently is empathy in action.
5. Pause Before Responding
Even a 5-second pause can help you shift from reacting to responding.
These tiny efforts reduce fights, miscommunication, and emotional burnout.
Teaching Empathy to Children and Teens
Empathy begins in childhood, but many kids aren’t taught to understand feelings.
In South Asian families, emotional expression (especially in boys) is discouraged. They’re told:
“Don’t cry, you’re a boy.”
“Toughen up.”
These messages teach children to ignore emotions, not understand them.
How to teach empathy at home:
Label emotions: “You’re feeling sad because your toy broke.”
Ask reflective questions: “How do you think your friend felt when that happened?”
Use stories: Read books that highlight emotions and ask your child how the characters felt.
Model empathy: Apologize when you’re wrong. Show kindness in your own relationships.
Children raised with empathy grow into emotionally intelligent adults. They do better in friendships, marriages, and even at work.
When Empathy Becomes Emotionally Exhausting
Sometimes empathy hurts. Especially if you’re a mother, caretaker, or sensitive person constantly absorbing others’ emotions.
This leads to compassion fatigue, feeling emotionally drained from caring too much.
Signs of empathy burnout:
Irritability
Emotional numbness
Constant guilt or sadness
Feeling like everyone needs you all the time
How to set boundaries:
Don’t absorb every emotion, acknowledge it, but don’t carry it.
It’s okay to say: “I care about you, but I also need rest.”
Prioritize your emotional health, guilt-free.
Empathy should build you, not break you.
Empathy is a Practice, Not a Personality
You don’t need to be a therapist to be empathetic.
You just need to be present, aware, and open-hearted. In South Asian families where misunderstandings grow silently and emotions are often hidden, empathy acts like emotional oxygen.
It keeps relationships alive.
So today, whether it’s your spouse, your child, or your parent, pause. Listen. Try to understand before you react.
That’s where love becomes healing.
TL;DR:
Empathy is essential for healthy personal relationships. It helps people feel understood, improves emotional connection, and reduces conflict. Whether in marriage, parenting, or joint families, empathy builds trust and harmony. It can be learned through listening, emotional awareness, and setting boundaries. Practicing empathy daily transforms how we relate to loved ones in powerful, healing ways
Imran Shahzad, M.Sc. Psychology (BZU, 2012), shares real-world mental health tips and emotional guidance in simple English for everyday South Asian readers.